‘Assassin’s Creed’ Review


A Far Cry from anything Good

Having been promised for almost a year, we have finally came to the release of Assasin’s Creed, and while I don’t hold out much hope (it is after all a computer game adaptation), the director and starts gave me reason to pause. So I suppose the reel question is, will this modern, period, action, thriller, be more Resident Evil or a World for Warcraft?

And there we see Assassin’s Creed first problem. It tries to be too much, it’s neither an action or a thriller or a modern film or a period piece, it’s a blender full of set pieces and throw away sub plots all piled into 2 hours of grinding, until all the elements that first went in are nothing more than pulp, starting with the story.

I was never expecting Assassin’s Creed to be focused in it’s plot or story, it’s a movie that evolves around two different time periods, however if it could have given me a rough idea of what the film was aiming for would have been nice. To realise you are totally lost half way through is never a good sign, to let that become the entire point of watching the film is unforgivable. This is what Assassin’s Creed achieves. Confusion is in it’s blood.

I’m confident that what Justin Kurzel (The director) thought looked fluid and kinetic  in his camerawork, actually comes across as frantic and chaotic, you never fully grasp what is going on in a battle or action sequence apart from that Fassbender isn’t really there and he’s going to kill everyone on screen.

The more bizarre element of Assassin’s Creed is that it keeps reminding us that everything we are seeing is just a projection of what Callum is seeing, as if we are going to  forget for a single moment that the entire outline of the film is a McGuffin and actually start to enjoy ourselves. Don’t worry as soon as anything awesome even starts to come close to happening, the film quite literally pulls us out of it so we can come back to the reality of Jeremy Iron’s and Marion Cotillard trying to pretend that know what’s going on. As least we aren’t alone in our worries.


Even Fassbender looks like he isn’t entirely sure what he is supposed to be portraying, his performance is struck somewhere around Magneto without the super powers. Everyone else in the film is left to stand around him like fan’s at an awards gala.

Assassin’s Creed goes out of it’s way to make a point of something (that Callum is hungry for example) just for them to never reference it again. Now, in a game that’s all fine, you don’t have to make total sense and you can have moments that mean nothing because it’s far more interactive, in  a game it’s considered clever to have a character you can speak to that contributes nothing further than conversation, because someone had to animate and voice that just for your pleasure. Films are never that forgiving because in a movie time is precious, and ultimately that’s where Assassin’s Creed fails, it’s a waste of time.

Also, there is no real ending.

Oh and no one even get’s assassinated. No seriously. No one.

Assassin’s Creed went the way of all gaming adaptations, a complete failure from start to finish. I think I would have rather endured the real Spanish inquisition then watch Assassin’s Creed again.


Our Rating

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