The Poseidon Adventure
It’s bizarre to consider that there was a time when Pirate Of The Caribbean was just a children’s theme park ride. There was a time when Pirates weren’t cool or popular like they are today, when all we had to live off of were remakes of Treasure Island in space, underwater, in the future or even once with Muppets (Which I strongly recommend, it has Tim Curry in it and everything). I’m getting off point, seeing as there is no end to the amount of times Disney will force a franchise out of retirement and no end to the amount of Johnny Depp can dream for a pay check, there is yet another Pirates Of The Caribbean film, so the real question is do dead men tell good tales?
For almost a decade we were forced to endure such disasters as Waterworld, Hook and Cutthroat Island for movies about pirates and then in 2003 Pirates Of The Caribbean came out and changed all that. For the first time we had hope, that Disney could give us original material, and that Orlando Bloom could act and that Johnny Depp wasn’t as washed up as he seemed.
Then they made another one, and another, and another and the problem was they all got progressively worse as the series expanded (A personal high-light for me was when Captain Jack was eaten), but perhaps this new films could at least remind us of the hope we first had, I’m not asking for miracles, I’m asking if it doesn’t feature child hanging in it’s opening sequence (unlike At World’s End). The good news is that Salazar’s Revenge isn’t as bad as the previous two outings, however that is like saying that you aren’t as bad at the last Ghostbusters‘ film. The bad news is, that’s all the good things I can say about the film.
It’s all just a bit too silly now, apparently decades have passed since At World’s End yet Jack has barely aged a day, for some reason Will Turner is justified in making a brief appearance and it has literally a bond baddie as the villain.
The whole movie feels at best like a cheap knock off and at worst an unjustifiable catastrophe. Everything that the film is supposed to be about is absurd and without reasoning, for example even though we are given a back story to Salazar we aren’t actually given a reason to why he is immortal. The entire quest is silly, the story is stale and the CGI is far to heavy.
Jack Sparrow himself has become a spoof of his own character, in the first film he was a pirate to be feared who seemed to have a tiny moral code, in this he is a useless excuse of a moron who happens to be able to always get what he ultimately wants, and don’t even get me started on the inner workings of the logic behind the film’s final movements.
Even with all these shortcomings (and I’ve only mentioned a handful of my list) Salazar himself and his crew are a site to behold, they are a master class in CGI, it pains me to admit it, but maybe Salazar’s Revenge does have some redeeming features.
Even at it’s highest points Salazar’s Revenge lacks the wit and charming nature the original movie. Unfortunately, this is one curse that can never be broken.