‘The Dark Tower’ Review

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Wild, Wild, Westworld

Stephen King has a preferred genre of writing, horror. Most of his novels are horrors, he is the father or chills from pages. There have been literally 100’s of Stephen King adaptations in the past, from the iconic in Misery and The Shining to the forgotten in Thinner and The Night Flier, King has both brilliance and failure inside of him. So the reel question is will this action fantasy be The Running Man or just a Pet Cemetery?

Now I hate to say it, but The Dark Tower would have been if it was a 15. Someone should have made the stronger choice and changed the rating, I know then the problem becomes that the tone of the film doesn’t match the content but if you know you are going to get a certain rating to behind with you adjust to fit it, do you truly believe that Scorsese believed he would get anything less than an 18 for Wolf Of Wall Street?

In truth, that conflict reflects the whole problem with the movie, it’s forever in turmoil with itself. The Dark Tower wants to be cutting-edge and scary but not so much that it will obstruct younger viewers from enjoying it, personally, I blame the fact we have to put up with an odd teenager in Jake Chambers to be our guide within the film.

Its other problem is that everything is too obvious, and the film never really shows you any kind of stronger development inside the characters, by the time Idris Elba has shot a few rounds, and Matthew McConaughey has chewed up every piece of scenery he can find, it’s almost time for the closing credits. You think I’m joking. I wish I was too.

The story is so complicated and predictable that the only way Nikolaj Arcel believes we won’t see the strings is if he dazzles us with random exposition or a gun being fired. This is what the Michael Bay’s have done to this world.

The Dark Tower is one of those films that reminds you of all the other films you could have been watching, so it feels like a cross between Lord Of The Rings, Doctor Who and The Matrix, blended together and all served up with a little umbrella to protect it the negativity in the world.

In the end, we are given two main characters Idris Elba as The Gunslinger and Matthew McConaughey as The Man In Black. Both are as ridiculous as they sound. The Man In Black (or Walter as he is known) is subtle using psychic abilities to kill off random characters. While The Gunslinger (or Ronald) is just super extra, he is continually firing his gun without looking.

The Dark Tower feels like a movie where Sony wanted to have all the action and horror elements but didn’t care for the story. Shame.

I’m sure that the books are as outstanding as everyone says, but with only the implication of horror, a mix-up story and a rushed ending, not level of dedicated acting can save The Dark Tower from its own failings.

 

Our Rating

2 Bullet Dodges Out Of 102
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