The Emoji Movie Review


Makes Sausage Party look like Hamlet.

Phones. That is what it’s come to, we are making a film not even about the devices we use, but the reactions that are inside those phones. We don’t even get to see a film about the phones. So forget a snappy one liner, forget a joke opening, lets just get straight into it shall we?

The Emoji Movie is awful, I could write out how it feels to endure it, but in truth nothing will ever do my suffering justice. The entire film reminds you of better, stronger movies, for example the entire plot is about someone who feels insignificant and wants to be something more, he goes on a journey and finds he was perfect all along, where have we seen that before?

The Emoji Movie feels like it’s trying to be a poor man’s Inside Out. That’s where it aims to be and still fails. It tries to stir up our emotions with half-baked characters that have no development. We have 3 main protagonist, those being Gene (Who is a Meh emojji, and the only one who isn’t named by his expression), High 5 and Jailbreak. Each of them have a unique problem to solve.

Jailbreak wants to get off the phone onto the cloud, High 5 wants to get back into the elite and Gene wants to be programmed to have just the one emotion. They are going to lobotomise someone, that’s the ambition of this children’s film. A lobotomy!

The film is without shame when it comes to endorsements. I knew it would have some cheap plugs but I never thought it would sink to the levels it does. There is a scene in which 2 characters go into Instagram, as in the actual program and use a filter to enhance a special moment. That happens.

What’s most insulating about The Emoji Movie is that it has Patrick Stewart in it. Professor X plays a poo. One of the greatest stage actors ever is playing a poo. That’s like having Kevin Spacey play a grasshopper. OK, maybe that was a bad example.

In 100 years, people will look back and see this as one of the lowest points of cinema, until they bring out a sequel. We all know it’s going to happen, it’s a kids film that pays for itself, there is going to be a sequel. I shudder to think of the plotline.

Do you remember how Inside Out was all about how to express yourself and how all your emotions are valid? How we need to learn to enjoy the good and the bad as it shapes us? Yeah The Emoji Movie is the opposite of that. This is a film that teaches us that we don’t need to understand our emotions because our phones will do it for us. Disgraceful.

The Emoji Movie is one of the worst films I’ve ever had to endure, the plot is none existent, the jokes go nowhere, it has shameless product placement, If I could I would refuse to give it a score.. in fact you know what I won’t.


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